How to beg.

Please notice.

How to say thank you.

I have exactly 22 minutes to write this before it becomes a lie. SO if it seems rushed, its because I'm rushing. Simple. 

I've had this blog for exactly a year now. 

It's interesting to see how far I've come since then. A year ago I started this because I needed something that was mine. Something I could run to. And then at first, I barely even needed it. So I gave up on it. Then, 4 months later, I needed it more than anything. I don't write as much as I used to. I'm not crazy obsessive over it. I don't absolutely need it anymore. 

But this blog is my life. I mean, not really, but it has all these words from my heart and my mind and it has all these stories and feelings and just... so much. So much of me packed in to a little over a 130 posts (I think.) 

So here's my thank you to my 22 followers out there and to the multiple people that read every time I post on facebook. Thanks for loving me. Thanks for reading everything. Thanks for putting up with me even though I'm pretty ridiculous sometimes. 

Thanks for supporting my dream. 

I love you all.

How to give up control.

I do this alot. 

I open up blogger and click on new post and then sit here are stare at a blank box for a long time. 

I keep it up in its own separate tag for days, hoping something will come while I'm online soon and then I can write and feel better and people will read it and feel better and generally the world feels better. 

My relationship ended yesterday. or, 2 days now because its technically Saturday while I'm writing this. 

And I've spent a lot of time crying and trying to figure out what to do and who I am and what I want and what the heck is supposed to happen now. 

I like comfortable. 

It's comfortable to be with my friends all the time or to date certain people or to stay in a relationship or to stay home for college or to stay at a job. 

I don't like being pushed out of my comfort zone. 

But here I am. And my comfort zone is a little to the left of me. 

But I don't exactly feel like my world is falling apart this time. 

I feel like there's a plan and everything is going to be okay. 

This isn't up to me anymore. I'm leaving it in the Lord's hands. He knows what hes doing, I don't. 

Please, Heavenly Father, if you're listening or reading this or whatever, please be sure of what you're doing. Please protect me. Please help. 
This is up to you now.