Did you think this would all be much easier than it's turned out to be?

So here I am.
just like always. 
Wondering, like always, when it will be my turn.

Dear love of my life, 
Hurry. I want to love you.
I want you to know how much I already do.
please.
Love,
Maren.

left over words

And what if I ran out of words years ago but I keep pulling from my piles and piles of already used thank you's and I'm sorry's and hello's and nice to meet you's and I love you's and goodbye's?
What if you're only getting hand-me-downs out of every word I speak, nothing original, nothing meant for you, nothing fitting just right?
What if I hand you a "hello" with a hole in the side, only big enough for a finger to fit in but that you're still able to see right through?
What if the "you look good today" doesn't fit in the shoulders, almost there but you just need to grow, gain a pound or two to fit in it like he used to?
What if the "I'm alright" looks like everyone in the town has thrown it on the ground and stomped on it before returning it to me, moments before giving it to you?
And what if I ran out of any original words and thoughts and emotions to give you? What if I'm using the left overs, the stuff no one wanted, the stuff they gave back?
Would you take it anyway?
What if it's all I have, and I want to give it only to you?
Can you wear a torn and sewn back together "I love you"?

And what if I'm still here?

What if, when it all comes down to it, I'm still standing in the same place as I was 3 years ago?
While everyone else walks on, passing glances, momentary visits, hurrying off to where they need to be, and I'm still here.
Because I'm too scared to go anywhere else.

but what if once upon a time I felt like this was where I was supposed to be and how do I go against that so close to the end when I have no desire to be anywhere else?
what if I'm just freaking out because I feel like you're looking at me as the girl who never moved.? 
maybe I am just the girl who never moved.