How to love Thursday.

I'm not feeling very creative today. Not nearly creative enough to be able to write something wonderful and fabulous and thought provoking. 

So we will go straight to the list. Maybe I'll post something wonderful later tonight.

Today I Love.....

~ Watching A Very Potter Musical with my friends again.

~ School is almost out... soooooo.... closeeee.....

~ Cleaning my room. (I NEVER though I would say this. But its been super therapeutic.)

~ Sitting on a yoga ball all the time. So fun. So comfy.

~ Dry brushing my skin. I'm so soft now its ridiculous. :) 

~ Going to the park last night. Summer, get here NOW.

~ Sugar cookie dough. mmmmm.

~ Lyrics. Always. <3 

~ A- on every single speech this semester. Check Yes!

~ Laughing. 

~ Having fun conversations about making out and relationships and helping people and things we wouldn't or shouldn't tell our parents. hahaha. 

~ Gala Darling's Love and Sequins book and podcast. Beautiful. 

~ Painting my room is 2 weeks! 

~ This Blog. Read all her stuff. She's just fabulous. 

....

That's all I can think of right now. To tired for anything else. 

:) So there you have it. 

Now what do you love today?

How to know for sure.

Here I am again sitting in my room completely lost. 

See, sometimes you think you know where you are going. You have it all planned out and you can't see how it could fail. And sometimes it works out really well for a long time. And then right when its there... right within your reach... suddenly it's gone. And you have to start over. 

When I'm upset, I close my eyes. I shut them really tight. It's a habit I've just recently noticed myself doing.

I think I do it because I don't wanna see things going wrong around me. Because when I do, I become so seriously disillusioned.

They were things I once I knew. And suddenly everything tells me I've been wrong the whole time. 

I "knew" my best friend would live near me forever.

I "knew" I was a good enough writer to pass that test. 

I "knew" my first love would stick around.

I "knew" I was going to marry him.

I "knew" he loved me. 

ect. ect. 

And then I was wrong. My best friend moved far away. I didn't pass that test. My first love left quickly. I didn't marry him. And he doesn't love me. 

I was wrong. And those are the moments I close my eyes. Because I don't want to see everything I "know" fall apart. 

As an English major, I realize life is subject to change. It happens all the time. MLA format changes yearly. Studies about life and love are constantly proved wrong and then a new idea comes up. And this isn't just me thats effected by this. Not by a long shot. 

Everyone has change thrown at them on a daily basis. All these things we swear we know, are proved wrong. 

The world was once flat. They were wrong. 

How many things like that are going to be proven wrong within our life? 

It's so hard to be told constantly over and over again that everything we've thought for so long was true, was actually wrong. We are wrong. Never right. Wrong. 

How discouraging, right? 

So here I sit. Thinking about all the times I've been wrong and waiting to find out whats next. 

And its super depressing. And isn't life depressing enough as it is without me thinking of things to make it more so? 

I have this idea. 

It's a beautiful idea. 

It's one where we all stop focusing on things that we have been proven wrong about and start focusing on things that we know for sure. Without a doubt. 

Because we get proven wrong a lot.

So I'm writing a list. 

Things I know for sure.

~ My parents are Dan and Eileen Ruth. And they love me. 

~ Life can be hard. 

~ Life can be beautiful.

~ Sometimes we are wrong.

~ Sometimes things do not work out the way we plan.

~ Life moves on.

~ Things always work out in the end.

~ My Redeemer lives.

~ The Atonement happened.

~ The Atonement works. For every one of us.

~ The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints is true. 

~ There is a plan. 

~ People die. 

~ People are born. 

~ I am effing great. 

~ Tomorrow I may cry or I may laugh. It can't be predicted. 

~ Tomorrow always comes. 

~ Music is wonderful.

That's all for today. I'm thinking it'll be my new Sunday thing. Thursdays I take for recognizing the little things I love. And Sundays I focus on the things I know for sure.

So go write what You know. 

Now. 

:)

How to heal from past wounds.

So I'm sitting on Facebook trying to think of a topic for a blog when an old friend starts talking to me. 

We've been talking quite a bit recently, so it wasn't exactly random. But it still surprises me every time he decides to talk to me. 

See, when I was a freshman in high school I liked him for a little while. And it didn't exactly go like I planned. Meaning, he did NOT feel the same about me. Haha. And it kinda really ruined our friendship for the year a half after that. I hated seeing him around. I thought he was super annoying. I would get frustrated any time someone brought him up... You get the point. We weren't friends.

Junior year I tried out for a play shortly after my boyfriend broke up with me. Probably one of the most awful plays I have ever been in, by the way. I was a wreck, like, all the time. I was in the horribly demanding english class. I was in this awful play. And I had been used for a good 3 months prior to all of this and had recently found out.

One day, I was sitting on the stage stairs while my teacher gave notes on our recent rehearsal. As I was sitting there, this guy came up to me and sat right on the ground in front of me and just stared. We sat like that for a while before he asked me what was wrong. When I told him nothing, he laughed and called me a liar, but instead of pressing for the truth, he just walked away. 

That was the beginning of this roller coaster of a relationship that's been ongoing for the last 2 years.

He was either a good friend giving me great advice and listening to my pathetic stories, a guy who wanted to make out with me, or someone who just didn't care about me at all. On any given day, I had no idea what he was going to be. 

Then he left. And I can probably count how many times we talked since he left on... both hands.

But we've been talking lately. 

And nothing is weird. Nothing hurts. Nothing feels like... empty. like... wishful thinking. like... "if only.." 

Its just the way it is. 

So we are talking. And he happens to mention that its been almost 2 years since we last saw each other. Which means 2 years since everything happened. 2 years since I cried over him. 2 years since that play and that english class and that exboyfriend. 

2 years is a long time. 

But it passed so quick.

What happened to all of that time? What happened to my senior year of high school? What happened to my first year of college? Where did it all go? 

I think time is interesting. 

Because really, it does heal all wounds. 

2 years ago I was in this really dark place. 

Crying all the time. Hurt by my ex boyfriend that had played me and hurt by a boy that I knew only wanted to use me and then was about to leave. Confused about where I was going in life. Stressed about my classes. Unsure about the church. 

But now look at me. I talk to both those boys on a weekly basis and I absolutely love talking to them and seeing how much we have all grown and changed since then. I view both of them as good friends. I know where I wanna go in life now. I passed all of those classes, even graduated from that school. And I'm totally completely sure about the church now.

Sometimes challenges are the biggest blessing in the end. 

God finds a way to make them work out for your benefit. 

And 2 years from now, the things that hurt now will be just a memory. Because we will be too focused on current life by then. No longer upset about what we are upset about now. 

Isn't that beautiful?

How to lOvE Thursday.

Oh hello there, Thursday. When did you get here?

Well, technically, as I'm writing this... it's Wednesday. Shh. I'm cheating because of lack of time on actual Thursday. But it has the same meaning none the less!

This week has been interesting. End of the semester means a lot of homework. And not just normal homework. Every class seems to want me to write a paper. I may be an English major but that doesn't mean writing papers about philosophy and health is easy. And of course I'm a wonderful procrastinator, so writing essays at 2 in the morning is more common than it should be. So much stress.

But here I am once again finding the good in life.

So here it goes.

Today I love...

-Palates on a Bosu Ball. So much fun.

-My self love speech went so well. Thanks so much Gala Darling, for getting me an A on my speech. :)

-I cleaned my room. This isn't normal. It's the first time in probably a little over a year... If not longer.

-Clean room=space to do yoga!!!! YES!

-I know this is old. But Gosh. This still makes me laugh EVERY TIME.

-My car is fixed. Does this mean I can drive on the freeway for the first time in almost 2 years? Um yeah. :)

-Jokes about British penises.

-"Oh hey. Have you ever fantasized about someone ripping off that vest with their teeth? Cuz I totally wanna do that."

-Rain. I was driving around today after getting my car and the sun was just shining barely and everything was sparkling and it smelled good and it was just a little warm and it was perfect.

-My friends.

-Moving on. 

-Sleep. I don't get enough of this lately.

-And.... 

yeah thats all I can think of. 

:) Have a wonderful Thursday everybody! Don't forget to declare the things you love at the top of your voice!

How to put it away.

Today I put you away. 

I took the things I loved, and shut them in a box. 

The rubber bands. The electric tape x. The bracelets from your work. The necklace. 

I held them. I stared at them. 

And then I put you away. 

I took the things I loved, and shut you in a box. 

How to say hello to my new blog readers!

Hi. My name is Maren. And I'm glad you're reading this.

I'm gradually getting more and more readers. Which is a beautiful, lovely thing. And I want to please people and write something wonderful tonight but unfortunately I am far too busy writing 2 papers and a speech. Oh college life.

So this is my post to say hello to all you new and old readers.

Keep your hands and feet in the blog at all times. I hope you enjoy your ride.

:)

How to pray.

"Yet, in my dreams, I be nearer, my God, to thee."

"I need thee, oh I need thee. Every hour I need thee."

"Lone will be the night if I cannot commune with thee nor find in thee my light." 

"Be still, my soul: the Lord is on thy side." 

"Who can understand? He, only One." 

"He lives to silence all my fears. He lives to wipe away my tears"

"It is wonderful that he should care for me enough to die for me." 

"Be near me, Lord Jesus, I ask thee to stay close by me forever, and love me, I pray."