How to be humble.

Today I sit here and I write and I'm completely humbled. 

You know how sometimes, God gives us all these wonderful things, and we are super happy about it and amazed by it for like, a month and then we just forget about it? 

A year ago today, I was freaking out wondering how I was going to get a job. (Thank you Facebook for reminding me.) I didn't know how I was going to keep paying for things, my parents wanted me to go to fast food, I was bored allllll the time, and I knew I needed to be going somewhere with my life and sitting at home or at my boyfriends home doing nothing all day was getting me no where. 

So I prayed and prayed and cried and nothing was going right. So one week, I paid my tithing and went to the temple with some friends. And BAM, the next day, I had a job. Just like that. A job I didn't even apply for or interview for. A job that paid over minimum wage and worked perfectly with my schedule. And life was perfect. I couldn't believe how blessed I was. I had everything set perfectly for me. I was in college working towards the career I've wanted since 4th grade. I had this boyfriend that was amazing. I had school completely paid for. I was taking monthly trips to the temple easily with my beautiful friends. I had a job that was absolutely perfect for me. 

And you know, I really loved it for about a week. Then I started getting sick of going to work. And that's where it started. I wasn't happy anymore. I wasn't praying and telling the Lord how happy I was for everything he has given me.

A year has gone by and here I am again crying and praying and praying and wondering if He will do it again. If He will forgive me and let life work perfectly for me yet again. 

See, this is what happens when you start thinking that your life is in your own hands. When you stop saying thank you for what you've been given. Its humbling.

It's like, find a song you love, and then performing it. You love it and try to share it with everyone, then when people start telling you how beautiful it was, you start forgetting the original creator, and start taking credit. Then the creator comes up and is like, wait a second that's mine, I made that. And you're left with nothing. 

Do you ever have so many thoughts in your head that you can't even focus on one specifically? 

That's how I've felt for weeks now. It's why I haven't written and have avoided music and everything else thought provoking. I don't need thought provoking, I need peaceful. I need order and happiness. And stability. 

I need stability. 

Peaceful stability.

And I could sit here and pray for it and promise that if I get it, I'll say thank you ever day, I will never forget the beautiful blessing I have been given. But that would be a lie, I'll forget. I'll take it for granted.

But just for the moment, can't I have it anyway?