How to feel hopeless.

Sit in a dark room with only the computer's light shining on you. Yawn. Think about going to sleep but decide it would be better for you to write than to rest. Stare at the computer.

Stare and Stare and Stare.

Start thinking about how much you hate this. Hate the way you feel in every aspect. Hate how its so hard to get comfortable. Hate how you can never seem to get enough sleep. Hate how you can never burn enough calories. Hate how you don't even know who you are anymore.

Remember a time when you knew exactly what you wanted to do with your life. Think about being that happy 3 year old that was convinced she was going to be a singer. Remember singing everywhere about everything. Remember being told to stop. Remember the empty feeling that came along with stopping. Remember the empty feeling that still comes when you watch other people sing beautifully.

Remember the moment you decided you wanted to write for the rest of your life. How it felt to be told that you're good at something. Having all those big ideas for stories. Spending hours folding paper to look like a book, but never filling those books with words.

Reflect on everything you have written thus far in life. Hate every word. Realize that there is not enough training in the world to make you good enough.

Feel your head pounding and wonder what to do now. If you can't write, what can you do? You can't do math. You can't do science. You can't remember facts. You can't act, draw, or photograph. You won't sing. You have no skills. And you have no motivation to create them.

Think back to a few days before. Sitting there in class. Listening to a stress management tape. Remember how you felt when it told you to remember the last time you had felt extremely happy and to return back to that time. Think as hard as you can. Search your memory. Find nothing. Wonder when you last felt extremely happy. Know that you have been happy on numerous occasions, but you just can't seem to remember when you were last extremely happy.

Lay in bed.

Wonder what there even is to look forward to.

Without any plans, any dreams, what is there to wake up for?