How to lose control for the day.

Today, I missed you. 

I missed the things we used to say to each other. The conversations we used to have. 

I missed the smiles we exchanged. 

I missed the constant companionship. 

I missed the way we touched. 

I missed the way we used to make each other feel. 

I missed you. 

Even with all your sadness and trials. 

It's not so overbearing anymore. I wake up without feeling like I can't go on now. I smile easily. I laugh and joke around. I flirt and I giggle.

Most days, I'm totally fine. Totally perfectly fine. And I think about you and I smile and think that it was such a wonderful experience and it was great while it lasted. 

Today was bittersweet. 

Because I know I'm moving on. I don't have a choice but to move on. 

And that feels great, wonderful, happy. 

But with that there also comes the need to accept that part of me won't ever move on. That's just a part of life that I can't control. And some days, that part of me is going to take control. Like today. And I'm gonna miss you. Just like today. 

"I'd like to tell you that I'm ready for whatever's coming. But to be honest, there's a part of me that loses control."