How to write your story.

"Has anyone ever told you that you're a romantic?" 


Yes. Yes they have. 
I'd call myself an extremist in the field of romantics, actually. 
See, I have this problem. 
I'm a story teller. I love the way stories feel. I love the way they sound and the way they look and especially  the way it feels to create one. 
I'm not the best writer yet. I can tell a story like no one's business but writing one is incredibly hard for me lately. 
But I think them constantly. 
I create tragic life stories for people I see in stores that catch my eye. 
I imagine where people are driving too when they seem to be in a hurry driving past me. 
I plan out my friend's lives the way they would be if I was the author of their lives (It's a good thing that I'm not...)
And these stories that I create, I love them. I love everything about them. And they seem perfect to me. I can figure out the ending and then I create the next persons story. 
But my problem lies in my own story.
I don't know anything about my story. 
But I want to. I want to figure it out. I want to know where it's going next and where it's leading ultimately. 
I'd like to know the climax and the resolution and all the little stories in between. But I don't. 
So I make up for that by create a thousand and one possible endings. 
All it takes is me seeing an attractive guy on the street and suddenly I have my life planned out with them. If I were to meet them one day, what would happen next, and how we would end up. 
I have about 25 claimed future husbands and the stories that go along with each of them. 
I've thought of every possibility. 
I imagined it and thought it through and then I set them aside while I create more endings with completely different outcomes. 
It's not a bad system, actually, it's just how my mind works. 
But people look at it and they see a romantic. And maybe that's what I am. I'm cool with that. But it's the only way I know how to think. 
And these stories for my life are wonderful and great and happy. And I love them. 
But only one story can come true. And it's not going to be created by me. 
I think that idea bothers me. 
I think that's why I get so frustrated when my plans fall through. Because I want to be in control. If I wrote my story, things would be perfect. 
I've been hurt. And I've been confused and disillusioned and scared. And I'm not in control. And it's harder for me to let go of control than I thought it would be. 
And sometimes, sometimes the romantic in me gets angry and bitter and thinks love doesn't exist or that love stories... they don't happen. 
But then sometimes, a story pops in to my head. And I see the beginning and middle and end. And I laugh at myself for being so ridiculous. But it reminds me that these stories... These stories could be real. 
Sometimes true love stories actually happen. They don't just exist in my mind. 
None of my stories for myself have taken place. I don't really care. I'm not ready for any of them to take place anyway. And that's fine by me. 
But sometimes, the Lord reminds me that they could. That a true love story could pop up at any moment and take me or you by surprise. And it will be perfect.
And it could be years. I could go study abroad like I plan and come  home and get my masters and then be taken by surprise. I could be 50 with 20 cats when someone just comes knocking at my door for me. Or it could be tomorrow. Or the day after that. 
I'm just at the rising action right now. The climax hasn't hit yet. And that's okay. The story almost gets boring once the climax hits anyway. A good story builds you up to it just perfectly...
I just hope that when my story folds out, I will be taken by surprise, but I want to be able to say "I planned this all along."