How to do everything wrong.

Be born.

People will come to visit you and your family and tell them what a cute baby you are.

Grow up a little bit. Be an average 2 year old girl. Pull your brothers hair while he is playing Mario. Sit with your mom on the hammock outside and tell her how beautiful she is. Hug your dad every few minutes and tell him how much you love him. Play with barbies.

Grow up a little bit more. Form opinions. Decide that its not fair that the little girl next door gets everything she wants. Realize how cute the little boy in your day care is. Insist people call you other names because your name is ugly. Decide that meat is gross.

That last opinion will become the most important one later. Once people start realizing it, your family will get angry. You'll be sent to bed without dessert a lot of nights because you didn't eat all of your dinner. But, of course, your mom will think your so cute and pathetic looking that she will give you dessert a little later anyway most the time.

Get a baby brother. Cry because he isn't a girl. Tell everyone you're mom is pregnant before she wants people to know. Tell everyone your family is moving before they want anyone to know. Get in to a lot of trouble all of the time. When your brother is born, realize that no one wants to pay attention to you anymore. But be okay with it, because he is pretty cute.

Move to a completely different place. Be miserable because you miss the beach and the warmth. Hate that it snows. 

Continue getting in trouble because you don't eat right. Now, you're not cute enough for your parents to be nice about your punishments.

Eventually, your siblings will realize they don't like you. They will make fun of you for being the only blond in the family. They won't let you watch That Thing You Do with them. They will call you fat. They will tell you that no one loves you.

Be very upset about it every time.

When you enter school, your friends will tell you how much they hate you because of your religion. You're only 7, this shouldn't be a issue, but it is.

In 4th grade, finally find a best friend. Love her more than anything.

In 6th grade she will move. Cry a lot. Go back to your old friends.

Stop sleeping.

Eventually your parents will realize something is wrong. They will try to fix you.

Your sister will tell you that she is pretty sure that you are mentally messed up. Believe her. Wonder if you will ever be okay.

Go through middle school. By the end of 8th grade, decide to fix yourself. Start over.

Get new friends. Start caring about your school work. Start telling your mom things again. Start praying again.

Your parents will be embarrassed to take you out to eat. They don't want people to know that you don't eat right. Every time you will feel sick they will start to yell at you about how its your own fault.

Stare at them while they yell.

Nod.

Slowly walk to your room. Lay down. Feel broken.

Get a little off track. Realize that you aren't, and never will be, perfect. Wish that someone would see you as perfect though. Wonder if anyone ever will.

Go through the hardest year of your life thus far. You'll cry a lot and think that you will never feel alright again. But you will.

Keep you friends close. You need their love. 

When things finally feel better, let someone else in. Love him more than you ever thought you could. It won't last long, though. He won't stay.

When he leaves, cling to your friends even more. After a few months, it will all feel better.

Before that can happen, however, find someone else who will help you feel attractive.

He will claim that you are incredibly beautiful and that he just wants to be with you. But he will leave. Know that the number of times that you will see him again within your life will be less than you can count on both hands.

Eventually, realize that you are okay alone. Realize that you don't need anything more than your friends.

Go for a while believing this.

Within this time your parents will become obsessed with your eating habits. They will take you to a dietitian and try to convince you to eat like them. When they can't fix you, they will be angry. Your siblings will make fun of you more. They will continuously tell you that something is wrong with you.

Eventually let someone else in. Not because you actually like him, but because your a little lonely and a little desperate. He will claim to be in love.

Say things you shouldn't say, create the illusion of feelings that aren't really there.

When hes gone, feel a little relieved.

Know that there is always going to be someone else around the corner waiting for you.

And then someone else will come along.

Quickly fall in love despite what you actually want.

This will be, by far, the hardest relationship for you. But also, by far, the one you feel the safest in. Experience what love should really be like.

Keep him for as long as possible.

Your family will call you ugly and fat. They will tell you that you need to work out more. They will complain about everything you do. Life will sometimes be incredibly hard to deal with.

Feel overwhelmed.

Write.

Take a break.