Sometimes (all the time) I think about what I will forget.
I'm really bothered by the idea that I go throughout full days, living my life, and then weeks from now or maybe even just days, I won't remember 90% of what I did today.
This action. Right here. My fingers on these keys and the way head itches and the way I'm looking at the room trying to think of what to type... I won't remember it.
And I think about this all the time.
I'm obsessed with what I will forget.
I know on Tuesday I woke up, took a caffeine pill, went to spinning, came home, showered, and made a smoothie. But I don't remember if waking up was hard that day or what we did in spinning or what exactly was in that smoothie. I don't remember what it tasted like or if my muscles relaxed instantly in the shower or if I was relieved to be able to lay down finally after class.
I remember my life in snap shots, as I think most of us do. And it bothers me.
But then there are weeks like this last one.
And days like today.
Where I realize that it's sometimes better to not remember every detail.
I hope that on my death bed I won't be bothered by the fact that I don't remember what I did on the 11th of May when I was 14, though that bothers me slightly now.
But instead I hope I'll remember the important parts.
I hope I will remember watching a close friend marry the love of her life
I hope I remember the first time I read Harry Potter and how much it made me want to write.
And then the movie premiers I went to with my friends.
The nights spent with a best friend in the Fred Myers parking lot.
Winco runs at 3 in the morning.
Singing (and sometimes talking to friends instead) in a choir.
The time a friend brought me mini Saltines and general conference talks because my heart hurt.
I hope I remember that one time I bought 30 pounds of chocolate and watched Boy Meets World for 4 hours instead of doing homework so that a friend wouldn't be alone.
I hope I remember that my 90% of my life was forgotten in a haze of the mundane. And I hope I finally come to terms with that and realize that it's okay.
I hope I accept that forgotten 90% as just a bunch of stepping stones to the next big memory. Things that don't actually matter all that much leading to the things I'll never be able to forget.
And I hope I remember that my life was beautiful.
Because it is.
