How to walk away.

I'm not okay with betrayal. Or with pretending it didn't happen. Or losing people. 

You'd think those things would be obvious. How could someone think I could be okay with those? But more specifically, how can a friend think I'm okay with those?

I have a wonderful memory. Every thing is right there for me to replay. 

If I had known a year ago what was going to happen, I wouldn't have texted you back. A few months was not worth what I'm going through now. 

I don't know what is worse. Losing someone I loved with all my heart or having to let go of so many other people after that?

Life goes on. 

I know. 

I laugh and smile and flirt and meet new people and experience wonderful things that I will never forget. Life goes on wonderfully. It get betters, and I know that. 

Some days, I feel so good that I hardly can believe how bad it hurt at first. 

Some days, I get compliments so often that I hardly can believe that for a month I didn't get any. 

Some days, I flirt so much that I hardly can  believe that I was so upset I lost just one person. 

But other days, I count the people I lost. And I realize that it really wasn't just one. I lost alot of people so quickly. And I'm constantly losing people. 

Life goes on. 

I know. 

But sometimes I can't believe that I'm going on without certain people. 

People that I loved so much. People that I planned to share duplexes with. People that I spent hours and hours with. People that made me laugh. People that held me up. People I've known for years. 

You know, this whole time I've thought I was weak. 

But I'm not.

And I thought it would prove my weakness if I walked away. 

But it's doesn't. 

Because right now I'm walking away. Not because I'm weak. I'm not weak. 

But because my life if going in a totally different direction now. And I can't stand here watching the place our lives met anymore.

So this is goodbye. 

Miss you always.