How to be 15.

I remember the first time I was hurt. 

I was 15. I was dating (I use the term dating very loosely, considering he had a girlfriend) this guy that seemed to be amazing. He was the first guy to tell me repeatedly how beautiful I was. He was the first guy to tell me he wanted to kiss me. He was the first guy to tell me he loved me. 

We had been talking constantly for about a month or so at the time. Then one day we finally discussed what we were. Because, like I said, he was dating someone. And I was only 15. 

I remember going to take a shower halfway through the conversation via myspace. While in the shower, I blacked out. This was my first time fainting. It was brief, and luckily I had ended up just sitting down instead of falling and hurting myself. I remember sitting there afterwords and trying to figure out what was wrong. I just felt awful. There was pressure everywhere. I could barely breathe. I was so weak. 

I couldn't stand up for a long time. When I finally got out of the shower, my heart was beating so fast and I was crying. I didn't know what was wrong or what to do. 

This began the downward spiral for the next 7 months. I was never happy. I didn't know how to be happy. And he was always there. Claiming to love me. Claiming I was his best friend. Claiming he would always be there for me. 

Well as time went on and he screwed me over, I eventually was forced to move on. 

That's how I feel now. Sometimes, waking up is the hardest thing. Standing up seems impossible. There's pressure everywhere. I can barely breathe. 

But I don't have a choice but to move on with life. Because, truth is, I'll probably be hurt again. There's not a lot I can do about that. Life moves on whether I think I can handle it or not. 

But gosh. Some days are just so hard.