How to know if you're doing the right thing.

I'm reaching a point where I'm becoming silent. And that's sad. 

It's not so much that I don't have things to say, it's more of I don't want to say them. 

More often than not, I'm running through ideas in my mind. Just thoughts and ideas and theories. And sometimes they make me want to explode. Because I don't know what to do with them. 

I think I've been lying all my life. 

I don't want to write because it's fun. I don't want to write because I love books. I don't want to write because it feels good. 

I want to write because I can't do anything else. 

Because, lets face it, I'm not good at anything. 

When I was little, I wanted so badly to be a singer. I sang all the time. But no matter how much I sang, I couldn't be good at it. I've spent years in choir and listening to music and trying so hard. But I'm not good at it. 

I reached a point in elementary school where all I wanted was to be a scientist of some sort. How beautiful it would be to create something. But I couldn't do that either. I think I even failed science that year. 

I've tried out a lot of things. Singing. Acting. Math. History. Health. Exercise. Science. Philosophy. 

And I'm not good at them. I'm not bad at them. Well, some of them. But I'm not good at them. 

Writing is all I can do. 

I don't have a choice but to write. 

I write because it's all I have. 

I write because if I didn't, this depression would take over. And I don't know where I would be. 

Maybe this is how we know if we are on the right path. This overwhelming feeling of "Hell yeah. This is it."

I read a quote once that talked about how we should make decisions. It said that if when faced with an option, our immediate reaction isn't "Hell yeah!" Then our answer should be no. 

Shouldn't that be the case with anything, always? Wouldn't we be so much happier if we based out decisions on that feeling? Rather than on what job is going to pay the best or what person is going to fit in your life the best? 

If someone walked up to me right now and offered me a job writing for the rest of my life, for minimal pay, I wouldn't think twice before my "hell yeah" answer. But if someone walked up to me with another offer, like oh I don't know, public speaking for the rest of my life for millions of dollars, I'd hesitate. I know which option I'd be happy in. Always. And that should ALWAYS be the option I choose. 

So think about that. 

If you are presented with an opportunity, and your response isn't "hell yeah" then don't do it. It won't lead you to where you want or need to be.