How to look in the mirror.

I'm nothing special. I don't have some remarkable talent. I can't change lives. I mess up important things. I am sometimes very rude. I cry more than I should. I look good maybe once a week. And sometimes I just sit and watch the world go by. 

I used to be good at giving advice. People would be crying and I could let them cry to me and I always knew exactly what to say. We'd smile and hug and they'd feel better. 

I used to be that friend. The one that everyone knew they could go to at any time of day or night and I'd be there.

I used to be that girl. You know, the one who went to every church gathering and had one of the strongest testimonies. The girl who couldn't even imagine that one day she'd mess up. 

I used to be the girl who sent thank you notes all the time. Just little notes to tell my friends I love them. I made sure they knew how lost I'd be without them. 

I used to be a lot of things.

Now I look in the mirror and don't know at all who I see. I don't smile the same. My eyes look constantly tired. I don't look healthy. 

When I look in the mirror, I see a girl who's face is dried out from all the tears shes cried in the last few years. I see a girl who's hurt too many friends. I see a girl who dyed her hair just to forget the past. I see a girl who made a lot mistakes, but can't move passed them because she actually misses them instead of regrets them. I see a girl who can't help her friends anymore. 

And apparently that girl is me. 

But I swear I don't know her.