How to keep silent.

I keep waiting for the moment where I realize that I'm getting better. 

But for some strange reason I think I'm just getting worse. 

And you know what sucks? 

When I'm so deeply in need of someone to talk to about it, no one really gets it. Don't get me wrong, I know they love me. I know any one of my friends would spend hours talking to me about it. But they missed out on so much of that 6 months of my life, that I couldn't possibly even begin to tell them what this is like. 

So I stopped trying. 

When people ask me whats wrong, I smile and shake my head. Keep silent. 

When someone looks at me with concern, I smile and look away. Keep silent. 

When someone starts talking about him, I smile and start focusing on a different conversation. Keep silent. 

When someone asks if I'm doing better, I smile and nod. Keep silent. 

When I think about him, I stop smiling and I start to cry. But I keep silent. 

Maybe the more silent I am, the less I will feel the need to scream all the time.