How to go crazy.

It happens often. 

I'll walk in to a building and as I walk around I see you. I see you sitting in every place I've seen you sit before. Like in those chairs in Rendezvous. Or on the couches in Big Lots.

It happens often. 

I'll walk downstairs and I see us laying on the couch together. Watching my little brother play that Mario game. Smiling. 

It happens often. 

I'll walk by your truck on my way to class and I see us sitting in there. Holding hands. Laughing. Kissing. 

It happens often. 

I'll drive by that park and I'll see you teasing me on our first date. Guess Who spread out on the grass and you far too close to my face than necessary for talking.

It happens often.

As I go to leave my house I'll glance in the mirror by the door and see us hugging. Me crying and you kissing my forehead, telling me goodbye. It feels so real that I almost think it's really happening again. Then I realize that in that mirror, I am blond. And in real life I'm not anymore. 

It happens often. 

I watch Tv and I glace over at the other couch and see us sitting there. Me crying and begging you not to leave. You telling me for the last time that I look pretty and that you'll miss me. 

It happens often. 

I walk out of work and see your truck sitting there. And I think of what I'll say to you when I go open that door. The decide it doesn't matter because you're there. That's all that matters. Then the closer I get, I realize you're not there. I'm standing alone in a parking lot. 

It happens often.

I'm sitting on your couch. Waiting for you to come down our dinner. Talking to your mom. Listening to your dad snore. You come down and hand me a plate and sit next to me. I kiss you and we just hold hands for a minute before we start to eat. Then I wake up. 

It happens often. 

Someone will saying something that reminds me of one of the stories you've told me. And I'll begin to tell it like it's still my story to tell. Then when I'm done telling the story I realize you're not mine anymore. That story should have no meaning to me anymore. 

It happens often. 

I'll walk through Walmart and as I pass the electronics, I see us standing there. You looking at some game and me looking at Sims. Occasionally stopping to quickly kiss and then move on.

It happens often. 

I go to bed and run through every touch and every word and every prayer. It doesn't help much with the sleeping.

It  happens often. 

I read my scriptures and I pray. In hopes that I will feel okay soon. And stop seeing these memories every where.