More and more every day I'm finding that writing scares me.
It scares me that for a few moments every day, I become so incredibly vulnerable. While writing I'm suddenly vulnerable to every thought and feeling that I pushed aside throughout the day. And not only that, but I know these words are out here and you will use them however you want to.
I get between 20-75 views every day. That amazes me because when I first started writing in it often, I got at most 5 views. 20 is alot to me and the days that I get 75 amaze me. I'm no professional blogger. I only have 11 followers and I don't get a lot of views. But wow, that's 75 people who read what I have to say and aren't commenting to tell me I'm pathetic and crazy. That, to me, is the most fabulous blessing.
However, I'm unbelievably horrified by it.
I'm vulnerable to myself while writing it. But, by posting it, I am vulnerable to all of you. Every few minutes I become vulnerable again. Because you right now are reading this and judging this and looking at my thoughts and feelings laid out so raw for all of you to read and judge and use.
I'm scared of being vulnerable. I'm scared of not being as strong as I've come to convince myself I am. Because when I write and realize how vulnerable I am, I realized how damaged I am. I'm okay, but damaged; And this is me. That's me.
Vulnerable and damaged.
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