How to be who you are supposed to be.

Sometimes, I stare at myself. 

I don't mean I just sit in front of the mirror and stare. Usually. I mean, when I'm doing my hair or my make up or getting changed... I stare at myself. I take a second and just look. 

And sometimes, it amazes me how little I know about the person I'm looking at. 

Here I am, 19, and totally reinventing myself. 

You know, I thought I knew exactly who I was until I was 15. That was when it changed again. And then I changed a little tiny bit through the years after that. But not much. I had myself figured you. A year ago exactly, I had myself figured out. 

Then life hit and I lost every idea of what I thought I was. 

I lost it because I had to block memories of it. 

I realize it a little bit every day. 

Every so often, a memory hits me and I can't breathe. 

It's like, who I was wants to burst out of the little box I put her in. She remembers everything. She remembers the pain and the fun times and the lessons learned and the feelings and everything. And I shut her in a box. Because I don't love her. She hurts too much, I don't love her. 

So I put her in this little box and forgot about her and had to start completely over. 

There was no foundation to build me on. I just kinda started. 

And I'm scared. Because, what if I fail?
 What if the person I'm building, fails? What if I drop her and she shatters all over the floor? What if a storm hits and she gets taken away by the wind? Shes so fragile. 

Life is scary. 

Figuring out who you are is scary. 

Changing who you are completely is scary. 

But sometimes, it's the only real option. 

Because you know, you ARE meant to be something. Someone great. 

And it may take your entire life to figure out who that is and to become that person. 

But you have to. 

Because people need you. 

You need you. 

Sometimes I look in the mirror. And I just stare at myself. And I wonder who I'm going to be. And who needs me that way.