How to be numb.

I didn't think people were actually reading these. But, apparently, I was stupid, because this is the internet and people do read things on the internet. Isn't that what life is all about now?

I'm going to start by saying no, I do not have an eating disorder.

Yeah yeah yeah, I didn't eat for a few days. And I'm still not eating a whole heck of a lot now. But it's more of because the idea of food makes me sick, rather than I feel like I need to stop eating. But I'm trying harder now. I know it's not healthy to stop eating, and frankly I kinda like not feeling like I'm dying all the time.

So no. No eating disorder here.

Anyway, now that that's out of the way... to the real blog!

I realize something today.

When things hurt really bad, when life gets to hard to handle, sometimes you just stop feeling. 

I wondered if maybe that was when the pain reached almost a whole new level. Like, it hurts so bad that you just don't know how to feel or what to do. But, I think I've decided its God's way of calming us down. He allows us to stop feeling the pain when he knows we've reached the point that we can't handle feeling it anymore. 

Now, of course this isn't always the case. If it was, there wouldn't be nearly as many suicides or other horrible things going on in the world. Obviously, he only takes it away to an extent. He lets us live our lives. And if we choose to still feel it, we can. 

But for me, I choose to not feel anymore. Not right now. Not this pain. I just don't think I can.