Sometimes I wonder why I write these. Then, the answer seems obvious. It feels good. But if that's my only reason, then why write it in a blog? Why not a journal or something? Why for the world to read?
I think I've decided I do it because I just can't be the only one going through this. And maybe there's someone else out there that needs to read these.Who knows who will stumble upon my humble little blog and find some type of comfort in the words, maybe the same comfort I find in it.
Blog is a weird word. By the way.
It kinda sounds like Blargh. you know, the type of sound people make while throwing up. Maybe it's symbolic.
Anyway.
Today was bittersweet. I think there will be many bittersweet days to come.
I started fine. Shocked even to wake up and see my hair brown. Blond to brown is a strange transition.
On my way to church I realized he wasn't going to be there, and I began to pray. Just like I always do now. What else could I do? What else is there for me to do now but to cling to the only one who knows whats going to happen?
As the day went on it gradually got harder and harder.
I miss him too much.
Sometimes, I just want to lay in bed and not wake up. Waking up is too hard. I'm so tired.
But at the same time, I have no choice but to wake up. Because if I don't, I'll be missing out on so much. Like the way the weather is changing. Its finally gradually getting warmer. Or the way my friends are growing, becoming who they will be for the rest of their lives. Things like that. How can I give that up?
Yeah. It gets dark. And the dark is hard to face alone.
Yeah. There is a lot of pain. That's life.
But how can you give up all the wonderful things, even if its going to be a while before you have them again, just because of those things?
How can you give up?
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