How to stay busy.

It's like I'm reverting back to the me I was during the summer.

I can laugh and smile. I rely on friends to keep me going. I feel a little empty. I'm constantly sore. I'm constantly tired. 

Just like last summer.

Only the weather sucks now. An extreme amount. 

I have to stay busy. That's all there is to it. Its when I sit down and think that I begin to have a problem. That's when I start to miss him too much. 

Staying busy is getting harder though. Well, in some aspects.

See, when I'm at school, all I do is sit and listen. Which leads to day dreaming. Which leads to him. Then I go to work. And sit and scan. Which leads to extreme day dreaming. Which leads to him. I've been working hard at work to not think about him. I talk to the girls a lot more. I try a lot harder to be social and all that. But as soon as I start doing better, they decide to move me to the room of isolation. All alone in a small little room. With so much time to think. So much quiet to fill with my own thoughts. And I'm scared to death of my own thoughts now. I hate thinking. I hate feeling. 

When I get off work I spend time with friends. Or I at least try to. And all we do is dance. I never knew being so active would feel so good. It feels good to be sore. It takes my mind off of how bad it hurts to breathe still. Its safer than not eating too.

On a different note...

"She sees the storm clouds gather. The sky is turning cold and gray. She knows that somethings coming when she starts to feel this way. She pleads for intervention. But heaven offers no relief. And she would understand if she could only see, sometimes He lets is rain. He lets the fierce winds blow. Sometimes it takes a storm to lead a heart where it can grow."

This song is almost always stuck in my head now.