How to stop caring.

Why do we care so much? 

In a month, no one is going to remember what shirt I wore today. In a few years, I won't remember what this heart break feels like. In 10 years, I won't remember who came to what party. 

So why does it matter? 

In institute today, we talked about dealing with life's disappointments. He told us of a girl who didn't get elected as her senior class president. She had worked so hard, and her friend had gotten it. She talked to him that day and asked if the pain ever went away. And his answer was that of course it does. In ten years she will probably be married and have children and a college degree and realize that it wasn't nearly as important as she felt like it was at one point. Her response was that she just wanted the pain to leave. She couldn't wait for the pain to go away. 

Well, like college normally goes, we moved on from that subject to a different one that we discussed the rest of the hour. He left us with that story just to ponder it, giving us no solution. No explanations. No ending. 

It drove me crazy. 

All I can think about is that I know how she felt. 

It's like, we know the pain is going to go away. We know that in ten years, it won't matter. We will realize it wasn't nearly as important as we once thought it to be. 

But we want the pain to go away. We can't wait for the day that we don't feel it anymore. 

So for the entire hour, that's all I could think about. Debating how to make the pain go away. Wondering when it will just go away. Trying to decide if I can wait for it to go away. 

Well, I returned to the dentist right after that class to go finish up my cavities (which, btw, they STILL didn't finish).

And I was sitting there, freaking out, wanting to cry because it effing sucks, and suddenly it hit me.
It doesn't matter. 

Pain doesn't matter. 

Because, in a few hours, in a few days, in a few months, in a few years, its gone. And we won't really remember what it felt like.

So who cares if it hurts now? It's gonna go away. We're gonna forget about it. 

Now, this could have been all brought on by the fact that I was incredibly high on that gas stuff. Like, seeing butterflies on the ceiling and crap. It was cool. 

But really, it was a good moment for me. 

Because, suddenly, it stopped hurting as much. 

You know, some days are a lot harder than others. There are times where all I can think about is how bad this sucks. How bad I want to go back to 4 months ago. Just to be happy again. 

There are morning where I honestly cannot drag myself out of bed. I wake up with my heart beating a thousand miles per hour and I just feel sick. Because I miss him. I miss when life was going good. 

But, its going to go away. Just like every other heart break has. 

I'm going to continue to wake up every morning. I'm going to continue living. And eventually it's all gonna work itself out and one day I'm not even going to remember exactly what this feels like. 

So why care now?

In a week, I'm not going to remember exactly what it felt like when they stuck that stupid needle in to my mouth. 

In a month, I'm not going to remember exactly what it felt like to see my friend chose someone else over me. 

In a year, I'm not going to remember exactly what it felt like to hurt like this. 

In ten years, I'm not going to remember the way it felt when he touched me and held me and loved me. 

Because life moves on. 

So why care now?